Just as shameful are those moments when I am sitting in our living room, trying to work out a rhyme for a certain word and the children are doing God knows what in the family room.   I can hear them, and partially see them.  It is fully childproof.  There shouldn't be issues.  Usually there is not.  However my 20 month old just grew without me noticing and can now reach a bit higher than she could last week.  While I was trying to find an appropriate word to rhyme with "break" she decided to break a picture frame.  Deliberate? Subconscious? Hmmm...

It is difficult to prioritize sometimes.  The kids cry out loudly when they have a need. They get even louder if they hear me playing the piano or singing.  In fact, they all have tremendous vocal cords, and abilities to out-sing and play me at any volume.  

Of course they need me, I am there Mommy.   I look around, and sometimes, if Dad's here, he can handle the task,  but generally, I'm the one.  I truly don't mind it...I wanted this. I PRAYED for six years to have kids when I was told I could have none.  Being a Mom is a gift, a blessing, a privilege.

But when I feel a song coming on,  it is like I can't keep silent or my insides will absolutely burst. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  

Right about the time when I was talking (more like complaining) to God about this,  I had an opportunity to meet with a gifted encourager to songwriters.  Cindy Wilt Colville was passing through California.  Anyone who has met Cindy knows she has a tremendous ability to bring out the things in a song in a way that many simply cannot.

Plagued with doubt and guilt,  I questioned why I was making a meeting with her such a high priority as I drove over the Altamont Pass to see her on a Wednesday evening.  It was a school night,  I needed a babysitter for my four kids, and I really hoped I wasn't acting like a foolish mother, abandoning my children for my own selfish endeavors.

I shared a song I had just written with Cindy.  This was a song I sat down and  chose to write based upon what I knew the Bible said.  Funny thing was, I didn't believe the words while I was writing them.  I didn't want to compromise God's Word, so I wrote them anyway.  But I wasn't "feeling" it.  On the contrary, I was feeling like God didn't give a rip about me and that life was pointless.  Ya, I was in a muddy mood when I wrote that song.  

So when I showed it to Cindy,  I had no idea what she might say.  I didn't even LIKE the song very much.  Quite frankly,  I had been too wrapped up in how to get a decent mix in my garage band program to be concerned with crafting a well-written song.  The song was clearly unfinished and it had a ton of choppy lines and lacked flow. But in our short time together,  I was refueled.  I actually saw the purpose in writing again.  I went home and rewrote the song, and rewrote it, and rewrote it again...working it out according to every suggestion she had given.  

Interestingly, the title of this song is "Never Give Up."  

As I mentioned, when I wrote the song,  I was merely being obedient to what the Word of God says.  I didn't feel like what the words had to say were true at that moment.  I felt anything but hopeful or joyful.  In fact I was far from it.   But  as I stuck with the writing process and re-worked the song,  rewrote some of the lyrics, and later shared it with my husband, I couldn't believe the joy and rekindled hope that came to me.  

Only two days before meeting with Cindy,  I had been thinking I might be at a place where I had lost all vision. Without vision the people will...perish.  That was when the hopelessness began to set in.  

But something sparked in me during that meeting.  It wasn't just the song.  It was a realization that God made me this way.  God designed me to think the way I think, and to write songs.  I don't know who exactly the songs benefit.  Perhaps just myself!  But I need to keep doing this.   It is a calling.  A calling is something that you can't just walk away from, even if you would like to.

I can't seem to STOP myself from writing songs.  

You can bet that when my kids dance around me as I am at the piano working out new melody ideas, and as I hear their beautiful voices sing along, I grasp a little the blessing this gift is.   Perhaps this was all part of God's design for MY family.  Perhaps this gift in me WILL help me be a better MOM to my kids.   And when I hear my 6 year old play the piano beautifully by ear and make up her own gorgeous melodies,  I feel a confirmation in my spirit...  to keep the music going.  Never Give Up

LYRICS to Never Give Up:   Lift up your head and breathe, for a new day will break

                                         The thunder will roll by,  you'll see a clear blue sky

So wait through the storm, Hope in the night

The best is to come, there is more joy to find

CHORUS   Let's sing this song together,  surrendered hearts believing

Our God is faithful to find us again

Let's raise our hands together, trusting our God knows better

And He is faithful, He'll never give up.  So never give up on Him

We change like shifting sand, but our Rock's always standing

This is the truth we've found, we walk on solid ground

So lay down your doubt and call Jesus now

He won't leave us here, He'll wipe away our tears   CHORUS

BRIDGE:

  Our God is faithful, He is the Rock we stand on,  Our God is faithful

Our God is faithful, He is the Rock we stand on,  Our God is faithful

So wait through the storm, Hope in the night

The best is to come, there are more joys to find....CHORUS

Day 1 The first of 5 nights we spent at Rob's parents North of Sacramento.  We had a wonderful time seeing them.

Day 2 we drove to Oregon and we stayed at a KOA in Klamath Falls.  Realized we aren't the KOA types.  Too much money, no nature, no elbow room.  Not for us.

Day 3 we drove through Crater Lake Nat. Park.  Oh my!  Really cool.  But don't bother with the bathing suit.  It is not a swimming hole!  (We didn't know...)  Breathtaking to behold.   The Pinnacles just outside the park were really spectacular as well.  We continued on the 138 West to I-5. 138 was a wonderful route, there were numerous waterfalls along the way and it was remote, the road was nearly empty.  FYI :  No cell reception. (AT&T user).   

When we were approaching the I-5, I suddenly remembered my favorite coffee joint on the planet !  Dutch Brothers.  They are all over the Northwest and I hadn't tasted one in a couple years.  As I wasn't getting much sleep thus far (6 month old and 2 yr old in a 26 ft motorhome, need I explain further?)  coffee was crying out to me.  And I mean, I think it really was.  Because no more than a minute after I said to Rob, "If you see a Dutch Brothers you HAVE to stop,"  there appeared before us on the right side of the road a Dutch Brothers.   This was one of those "God is with me and He loves me" moments.   My husband loves me too, because he couldn't brake fast enough so he made a U Turn in a Motorhome, just for me. We enjoyed our mochas.  

We got up to La Center Washington at 12:30AM where my BFF from childhood lives.  Her husband, God bless him! met us at a gas station at that hour to lead the way to their difficult-to-find property.  Thank you Scott!

Next morning,  I went with Heather and we brought Bethany to their church, where it worked out perfectly for me to be able to share my song, The Lion.  After church I got some way-overdue quality time with Heather, the girl who introduced me to Christ when I was 13.  My husband relaxed, took a break from driving!  and our kids burnt off tons of energy running wild and free on their 5 acres.  Our kids are all about the same age, and they played beautifully together.  It was a day I will treasure for years to come.  There is nothing like it - seeing my BF from 11 years old grown up with kids of her own!  The flashbacks flooded my mind as I watched my 5 yr old and her 6 yr old girl dress up like princesses and get rescued by their 7 yr old brothers who were running wildly around "Narnia".   Their property has a grove of redwoods in the midst of alot of grass (they share a private airstrip, it is incredibly beautiful).  Heather's husband built a fort with a wooden bridge crossing through the trees and it does look like a piece of Narnia, which was both Heather's and my favorite childhood book. Would we have waited another year or two,  we may not have seen our kids ever play like that.  Imagination and innocence escape us far too quickly in this life, and they will soon be on to different things, the pretending stage will soon become the past.  

After a day of enjoying Heather's delicious homemade cookin', roasting marshmallows in their backyard, and a Lucy/Ethel/near-explosion with a $4 espresso machine moment (you had to be there), we all crashed hard and slept soundly.

Day 4 - Got to visit briefly with Tracey and Jackson Jackson - some old friends and more EX-Californians who are proud of it!  Tracey (A.K.A. Tracey Jane Jackson) recently authored "The Bride Price" which is her first romantic-adventure novel in the Civil War Brides Series.  Jackson is a talented musician, songwriter and producer and I have had the pleasure of working with him in the past.   We had so little time, but we chatted and caught up on each others' lives and it was great to see them and their two boys, Jazz and Finn.  I coveted Jackson's recording studio, even though I wouldn't know how to work most of what is in it, nor would I be able to play those guitars hanging all over the walls and make 'em sing.  But the shade of burgundy is so inspiring I wish I could pay him to produce my next project!

Once we departed from a wonderful stay in Vancouver,  we headed down the coast of Oregon.  This took far too long, as there was an accident and road work down Oregon's 101 Hwy. It was getting dark by the time we found a camping location, and we made it in time to roast marshmallows and make smores, the top camping priority for the Krenik kids.  

Day 5 -  We left our river-side campsite and headed into Tillamook where we enjoyed the Blue Heron Cheese Farm with the kids.  They served Tillamook ice cream, had a plethora of samples from BBQ sauces to Mustards to Jams to Cheeses to Fondues....They had a petting zoo with a couple of llamas, sheep, goats, ducks, chickens, donkeys and horses.  Lots of fun.     The landscape reminded me of England.  Perhaps it was the double dutch bus. Then we headed east to Silver Falls State Park and did a 3 mile hike with the kids, enjoying beautiful waterfalls and lush landscape with ferns and redwoods.  This was a great way to top off our trip and we finally felt like we were getting some exercise.  I highly recommend Silver Falls as a must-see-and-do for people who enjoy waterfalls and hiking.  

DAY 6 - We had to return the RV on day 6 by 5PM so the race was on when we left Silver Falls at 6:30PM.  The goal was to arrive home by 1PM so we would have time to clean out the RV properly.   Rob drove and I stayed awake with him, and we slept at a rest stop north of Shasta City in California.    We were home by 12:30PM.

AFTER-THOUGHTS

It was fun.  It was exhausting.  It was great to see old friends and meet their kids.  It was special to share songs at a church along the way.  Most of all it was a way to make memories for our kids to think back on,  and I pray they will be wonderful, self-esteem-building memories.

Any regrets?  Too crammed. Not the RV, necessarily (although that got smaller and smaller the more time we spent in it).  But the days were too crammed.  Would do less and relax a bit more in one location.  Would avoid the Oregon coast, unless we had ample time.  Would not recommend putting a mailbox directly next to a major highway.  Logging trucks and RVs are wide loads and you might lose your mailbox,  along with any checks that could potentially be in the mail!  Would do something to keep kids from falling off the overhead bunk in the RV while sleeping.  

The difference between you and I though, my PC admiring-friend:  I don't blame Mac.   I blame it on the PC World we live in.  At least, in this part of California it is a PC world.  

I was on a wild goose chase today looking for a firewire cable to connect a Panasonic mini DV to my MAC so I could work with the video footage in iMovie.  What a nightmare.  From Radio Shack to Best Buy to 30 miles away another Best Buy,  then finally to the Apple store.  

I brought the camera and the computer with me into all the stores,  showed these to the Geek Squad members and they tell me the cable they think I need.   Of course no one had that cable.  The one I needed was at the Apple store.  BUT....  the Apple store is swarmed by all the Apple users and wanna-be users in the silicon valley, East Bay Area and Central Valley combined,  so not one blue-shirted person working there could give me the time of day in there. 

Mr. Mac, please open up a store in Tracy.   Don't be stingy.  It would create jobs and diminish the hoops people like me have to jump through, NOT TO MENTION the mileage we have to put on our vehicles ALL to make use of the iMovie program with the footage on our camcorders.