I'm freaking out as I read my last blog and think about all that has changed in such a short span of time. I mentioned that we didn't have a clue where we would be living in August. Well, here I am sitting in my new bedroom in the townhouse we are renting in Washington, while we wait for our home to be built on 10 acres. My husband taught his last sermon at the church he planted 17 years ago in Tracy, California. We said goodbye to some amazing people who are still there, faithfully serving.
Today, I have (a little) more time to process all the major life changes that are happening. We are settling into our new home quickly. The Northwest is breathtaking, the weather is perfect, the trees are irresistible and seem to hold a sort of magic. We feel like we were made for this place. The thing that is scary...not having a clue what will be next. My husband has been the main provider all these years, and right now he is without a job. There are moments I can't breathe when I think about all the things that could happen to us if we don't find work soon.
Yet, I also have an unexplainable peace. Every time I start to freak out, I get a little message telling me it will be alright.
One day, the message came when we were testing our water line from the well to our house site. It is 4.5 acres from the well to the house site. I was really worried the pump would not get the water to our future house. I prayed that we would have a powerful blast come down the line, all the while swallowing back the butterflies that were swirling up from my stomach to my throat.
As I was waiting for my husband to turn on the pump, I heard the sound of baby birds chirping above me. At that moment, a whole flock of new baby birds were leaving the nest for the first time, trying their wings. It was an amazing thing to behold. I watched in amazement as these little ones flew for the first time. It was like watching a miracle unfold in front of me.
Then I remembered a fortune cookie my daughter had opened on the day we closed escrow on our 10 acres and officially owned the land. The cookie said "Elegant surroundings will soon be yours." Indeed, my surroundings are elegant. The purest, most extravagant form of elegance one could dream of: God's untouched creation. We are surrounded by evergreens, alder trees, wild flowers, ferns, berries, a seasonal creek, and a spectacular view of Mt. St. Helens.
Another time, a message came in the clouds. The letters LIVE were formed in the clouds above us, and my kids and I had a discussion about it. My eight and eleven year old were skeptical about it meaning anything. I felt like the child in the car, because I just knew it was a message for us, but wasn't sure what it meant. I told my kids that the language of heaven is faith, and that God speaks to us through his creation ll the time. People just usually miss it, or brush it off as meaning nothing. My practical eight year old shrugged and said, it's just puffy clouds to me.
A week later, I was reading in Love Does by Bob Goff. He wrote, "...almost every time I typed in the word love, it gets changed to the word, live. It's kind of a reminder to me of one of those things I learned from Doug about following Jesus. I learned that fully loving and fully living are not only synonymous but the kind of life Jesus invited us to be a part of. And because of that, our lives don't need to be just puffs of blue smoke anymore." I read this to my kids, and they said, "whoa."
The messages haven't stopped. They have come through texts from friends at the perfect moment, unexpected checks in the mail, a stranger saying the perfect thing at the perfect time. Today, 3 rainbows at three different times in 3 different places set me at peace as my heart was questioning what our future holds. Yet, if I'm being totally honest, I'm still scared. I have no idea how we'll get by next month. I'm not sure if things will work out with the house. There are so many unknown factors, I could seriously give myself an ulcer dwelling on it for too long.
Then again, do we ever really know what tomorrow holds? Even when we have the job, we can still lose the job. Even when we have the house, we can still lose the house. Could it be that our idea of security is based on a delusion?
Home... home is where I am today. I'm with my husband and kids. If I lose them...I am still held in the arms of the One who is my forever Home. Home lives inside me. Sigh... I always comes back to this. Peace.
Romans 8:38, 39